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TERRI SCHIAVO - PART WHATEVER
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POLITICAL NECROPHILIA
For those of us unfortunate enough to be living in the reality based community, Terri Schiavo's autopsy held no surprises. After opening her up and having a look around, doctors discovered that 1) her cause of death was acute dehydration, 13 days after having her feeding tube removed; 2) there was no evidence whatsoever that her husband was abusing her, as some of the freakier Jesus Freaks in this debacle had alleged; and 3) Terri had indeed lost more than 50% brain volume during her fifteen years in a persistent vegetative state.
To yer old pal Jerky, this advanced state of brain decay goes a long way towards explaining the Right Wing's half-morbid, half-prurient obsession with Terri's fate. After all, if "the state" can terminate Terri Schiavo just because she's brain dead, then what's to prevent them from blowing up Bob Jones University, or dropping napalm on a Promise Keepers rally? In such a dystopian nightmare world, no fundamentalist Christian (or professional wrestling fan) could ever feel secure. They'd always be glancing over their shoulders -- hands deep in pockets, clutching MP3 players full of Shania Twain hits -- looking for sinister, syringe-wielding government liquidators.
Now, if you're anything like yer old pal Jerky, you were probably hoping that the autopsy results would serve as the ringing of the final bell, signaling the end of this lop-sided upset of a political boxing match. A handful of Republican heavyweights -- Tom DeLay, Bill Frist and the Brothers Bush in particular -- started this fight, cynically hoping to exploit this tragedy for political gain, and it backfired on them. End of story... right?
Wrong. On Friday morning, Florida governor Jeb Bush ordered Pinellas county prosecutors to investigate "discrepancies" in Michael Schiavo's timeline of events on the day Terri collapsed. Seems Michael recently testified to the Florida Medical Examiner's Office that he found his wife unconscious on the floor at about 4:30 in the morning. But according to 911 records, he didn't call 911 until 5:40 in the morning... SARCASTIC GASP!!!
For his part, Schiavo claims he called 911 immediately upon discovering Terri, and that "around 4:30" is a pretty good ball-park estimate for something that happened FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO. But that's not good enough for Jebby Boy. Nosiree! Not while he's got a fundamentalist voting base to pander to, presidential ambitions to fulfill, and a crack-addicted daughter to make disappear.
That last part was gratuitous, but FUCK Jeb... he deserves it.
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Yer old pal Jerky's Words of Wisdom #277:
After the Rapture, we get to keep all their shit!
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OTHER STORIES I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE ABOUT
Porcine congress-critter James Sensenbrenner (R-Scumball) took his gavel and went home last week, bringing a premature halt to Democratic-sponsored hearings on problems with the U.S.A.P.A.T.R.I.O.T.A.C.T., which Preznit Dubya is seeking to make permanent despite bipartisan concerns. Shortly after pulling his petulant (and possibly illegal) hissy-fit, Sensenbrenner sought to solidify his criminal credentials by sponsoring legislation that would repeal the 22nd Amendment, thus allowing Dubya to serve a third term.
YAH! Bush in polling free-fall!
BOO! Halliburton gets another lucrative no-bid contract, this time to build more prisons at Guantanamo Bay!
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Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky:
jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com
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