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GAY PRIDE AND OUR FABULOUS END TIMES
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NO NEWS IS BAD NEWS
What ties bind uber-corrupt lobbyist Jack Abramoff to Mohammed Atta of September 11 infamy? Lets just say it involves an unexplained casino boat rendezvous, an unsolved gangland murder, and, of course, an assload of cold hard cash. Once again, dogged Florida investigative journalist Daniel Hopsicker has gotten hold of some poop that's just too damn hot for the mainstream media's scoop.
Hold on to your chromosomes! Preznit Dubya and cohorts are starting up production of the super-deadly radioactive element Plutonium 238 for the first time since the end of the Cold War, and their reasons for doing so are murkier than a Chernobylite's urine sample. Timothy A. Frazier, head of radioisotope power systems at the Energy Department, vigorously denied that the material would be used for new nukes, satellites or space-based weapons systems. "The real reason we're starting production," he explained, "is for national security." Hey, thanks for filling us in, Timmy! And with three hundred plus pounds of the stuff slated for production -- resulting in roughly fifty thousand barrels of highly toxic radioactive waste -- yer old pal Jerky is sure the nation will be more secure than ever.
Speaking of national security, isn't it good to know that recent, partisan hack hirees at the FBI's Counterterrorism Office haven't got the first idea what they're doing? One hopes this won't spur those visionary policy wonks at the Project for the New American Century -- who called for a "new Pearl Harbor" to shock us into getting our national shit together -- to recommend a second, more powerful jolt from the metaphorical trauma-based defibrilator that is International Islamist Terrorism.
Happy Birthday, "Sovereign" Iraq! One year old and still fighting the good fight!
Here's one for the WTF?! Files: Britain's intelligence agency MI6 allegedly put the kaibosh on the arrest of Osama Bin Laden, because they wanted to save the life of their bestest pal... Libyan lunatic Moamar Geddaffi! Can this latest ridiculousness be true? According to French intelligence officials, the answer is an emphatic "OUI!"
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Yer old pal Jerky's Words of Wisdom #283:
There is no such thing as "an awful lot of weed".
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Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky:
jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com
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