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LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS AND HOW TO CORRECT IT!
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MINUTIA AND INCONSEQUENTIA
Do you feel like you should probably watch the Preznit's speech Tuesday night (tonight), but you're worried that you'll be overwhelmed by disgust at the mere sight and sound of the blathering nincompoop defending his inexcusably poor performance as Commander in Chief? Maybe playing Will Pitt's Bush Speech Drinking Game will help you juggernaut your way through this prime-time, wide-awake nightmare. Or, if you're a teetotaler, there's Democratic Underground's Bush Speech BINGO.
Judging by his performance during an interview with Matt Lauer on The Today Show last week, Tom Cruise fancies himself some kind of mental health expert. In a heated exchange about the perils and benefits of psychoactive drug therapies, a clearly frustrated and slightly unhinged Cruise reasoned: "Matt, Matt, Matt... Matt! Matt! Matt... MATT! You don't even know what Ritalin is! If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, OK? That's what I've done." While yer old pal Jerky agrees with Cruise that our society has become overdependent on medications -- especially for mental health issues -- I must also point out that, just like doing a movie about samurais doesn't make you a samurai, reading a handful of propaganda pieces published in Scientology magazines does NOT equal "doing the research." But that seems to be what Scientology does best: they make not-too-smart people believe they're the world's most amazing super-geniuses.
To understand Scientology, you have to understand its creator, L Ron Hubbard. Like most cult leaders, he was a fascinating guy. And guess what? Lucky you, the very best, most complete and unbiased biography of his life happens to be available for free, online. It's called A Piece of Blue Sky, and it was written by former cult-member Jon Atack, using a vast array of painstakingly collected archival documentation. From Hubbard's early days as a flim-flam man and pulp fiction author, through his inglorious stint in the military and his sinister dealings with Jack Parsons and the OTO, his finally hitting it rich with Dianetics, the inevitable backlash to that deeply flawed success, and his subsequent descent into criminality and megalomaniacal madness... it's all there, in stunning detail. I urge you all to read it, and to urge others to read it, too. When you're done, you'll understand why Hubbard hated psychiatrists so much. It's because he was out of his fucking mind, and he knew it.
9/11 widow Kristen Breitweiser responds to Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove -- a.k.a. the Toxic Nerd -- and his assertion that "liberals" want American soldiers to die in Iraq.
I don't know about you guys, but it seems to me like hurling clumps of mud at the firemen who've been dispatched to shut down all the fire hydrants you illegally set off is a pretty good way to guarantee yourself some lackluster fire-fighting, if and when your home starts burning to the ground.
Yer old pal Jekry can't see why Kate-A-Blog is so surprised over the Powers That Be engineering what she calls a White Third World. Unless you were raised in some sort of sociological deprivation tank, you'd pretty much have to know that the Brave New Third World Order is already here, and it's color-blind.
Kong... Kong... Kong... Kong! ...KONG! KONG, MUTHAFUCKAZ!!!
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Yer old pal Jerky's Words of Wisdom #284:
VoIP with Vonage? No thanks, I'll stick with paper.
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According to a recent poll conducted by the Pew Research Center, more than half of all Americans think the press "isn't patriotic enough." In order to remedy this deficiency, yer old pal Jerky has come up with a list of the…
TOP 13 WAYS TO MAKE THE PRESS MORE PATRIOTIC!
13. Begin every newscast with the national anthem, a Pledge of Allegiance to Preznit Dubya, and a prayer to our other Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ.
12. American flags, and plenty of them.
11. Journalists should just automatically assume that any lie told by any government official is to protect national security.
10. Journalists that don't adhere to the above rule should be detained for -- you guessed it -- posing a threat to national security.
9. Daily "Two Minute Hate" break. Michael Moore… GRRR!!!
8. End every report on domestic poverty, unemployment, outsourcing and/or America's growing wealth disparity by reminding viewers that even the poorest Americans own color television sets and are fat.
7. Send that sneaky bastard Peter Jennings back to Canada where he came from.
6. Carve the teeth in CNN anchor Paula Zahn's cavernous mouth into a life-size replica of Mount Rushmore.
5. Plant a victory garden in FOX News anchor John Gibson's huge hair.
4. Hold a quadrennial re-enactment of the battle at Gettysburg, with CNN portraying the Union Army and FOX News as the Rebel South, using live ammunition.
3. There still aren't enough flags. We need more flags!
2. Establish a new federal media-regulating agency: The National Office of Fair and Balanced Journalism. Arm its agents to the teeth.
1. Help all the retarded people who believe "the press isn't patriotic enough" to understand that a sycophantic, uncritical allegiance to whoever happens to be in power is the polar fucking opposite of patriotism.
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Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky:
jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com
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