|
|
GOP GOES AFTER PBS plus PENTAGON TV SKED
|
House Republicans have once again loaded their budgetary rifles and taken aim at one of their favorite targets, the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which provides a large chunk of the funding for both PBS and NPR. This time, they're hoping to slash funding for the popular public broadcasters by a staggering 23%. Here is what the average PBS broadcast day might soon look like, if the GOP gets their way:
And here's a little something extra from the archives; another TV Goof full-channel sked, this time for the Pentagon's new satellite channel.
|
Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky:
jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com
|
|
|
JOKES!
|
Today's first joke was sent in by Dave on Dope!
A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Bush came on the TV. After a few sips he looked up at the screen and mumbled, "Now there is the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."
Immediately a customer at the end of the bar got up, walked over, decked him and left.
A few minutes later, the man was finishing his beer when Dick Cheney appeared on the TV. "He's a horse's ass too," he said. A customer from the other end of the bar got up, walked over and knocked him off his stool.
"Dadgum!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Bush & Cheney country."
"Nope," the bartender replied, "Horse country!"
*** *** ***
Thanks to our old pal DMZ for sending in today's second joke.
A wife was invited out for a night with "the girls." She told her husband that she'd be home by midnight, "I promise!" she said.
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another 9 times. She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning her husband asked what time she got in, and she told him "Midnight!"
He didn't seem pissed off at all. Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When she asked him why, he said, "Well, last night around three o'clock, it cuckooed three times, then said, Oh, shit!, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
|
|
WORST JOKE OF THE DAY
|
Today's groaner was sent in by Ratliff...
Two friends, Joe and Sam, are sitting in a bar. Joe turns to Sam and says, "You know, I've been thinking. You, Sam, are a cunt. In fact you have always been a cunt. You are the biggest cunt I know and you will always be a cunt. In fact, if there was a vote on who is the biggest cunt in the world, you would probably come in second."
To which Sam asked, "why would I only be second?"
"Because you’re a cunt!" said Joe.
|
|
THEY SAID IT!
|
"They got him -- the big, bad, beheading berserker in Iraq. But, something's gone unreported in all the glee over getting Zarqawi: Who invited him into Iraq in the first place?"
- I'll give you a three word hint to help you answer investigative journalist Greg Palast's rhetorical question: "Bring it on."
*** **** ***
"I refuse to be silent any longer. I refuse to watch families torn apart, while the President tells us to 'stay the course. I refuse to be party to an illegal and immoral war against people who did nothing to deserve our aggression."
- First Lieutenant Ehren K. Watada is the first officer to refuse deployment to Iraq.
|
|
ON THIS DAY
|
June 5
On this day in 8239 B.C., the Universe is imagined into existance by a couple of void-dwelling Gods, according to the Mayan "long-count" callendar. FYI, this same calledar lists December 21st, 2012 A.D. as the day that the Universe will come to an end... So smoke'em if ya got'em!
On this day in 1956, new-fangled rock-and-roller Elvis Presley creates nationwide sexual panic when he goes on The Milton Berle Show and performs a swivel-hipped rendition of his covertune classic, Houndog. Later that night, pretty much anywhere within a five mile radius of a television set, if you went outside and breathed in deep, you could smell the faint aroma of sopping wet panties hanging in the air.
Also on this day, in 1968, at 12:16 am Pacific Standard Time, Sirhan Sirhan shoots Bobby Kennedy -- or not. RFK dies the next day. JFK, RFK, MLK, John Lennon... Hey! How come these whack-job lone gunmen only succeed when they go after liberals? Right-wingers have better aim, I guess. And don't give me any of that crap about Oswald being a commie, either.
|
|
READER'S SOAPBOX!
|
Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want.
TOPIC: LAS VEGAS OF ASIA
care of: David
Because it juts out into the South China Sea, Macau has a rich history as an Asian trading hub. The Portuguese first arrived there in 1554, and over time they established it as the dominant port of trade between China and Europe. For roughly the next 400 years, Macau was one of the wealthiest and most important cities in all of Asia. That changed in 1841 when the British settled in Hong Kong, which had the advantage of deeper-water harbors. Soon, Hong Kong became the major commercial center and Macau's prosperity slid.
Then, on December 20, 1999, Portugal transferred Macau over to China. The Chinese now let the island operate as a special administrative region, giving it a unique set of rules and quasi-independence. That's helping to restore Macau to its glorious past in a new millennium.
Macau has a unique mixture of Chinese and Portuguese cultures. To this day, it looks more European than Asian. And its popularity with tourists is absolutely exploding — an estimated 18 million visited Macau last year. The majority (55%) came from mainland China, but many more visited from Hong Kong (30%) and Taiwan (9%).
These tourists are flocking to Macau not because of its history or picturesque seaside location. They’re coming to GAMBLE.
Macau has become the Las Vegas of China. It is the only city in the region with fully legalized gambling. And gambling is deeply engrained in Asian culture. Plus, Macau is within a five-hour flight of three billion people — nearly half the world's population. To put this into perspective, Las Vegas is the same distance from only 450 million people!
Wow!
David
[Their cuisine is also divine. Coconut curry chicken... mmmmm... - Jerky]
|
FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY!
|
Hey Jerky; The real story about that Coulter quote is why Matt Lauer (and Time Magazine) give her so much play, and act as mainstreamers for her noxiously divisive and fringe politics. She’s far more outspokenly outrageous than David Duke – by having her on the program, the Today Show implicitly countenances her as newsworthy, as genuine punditry, as a voice to be offered greater access to the public. When was the last time they had Noam Chomsky on, let alone a genuine socialist or communist or anarchist. But revanchist bigots and Christian juhadists are just fine. Tangles my fucking fur. ACD
[Mine too. - Jerky]
*** **** ***
Hey Jerky - you mind if I copy/paste your Thai post in my blog and call it a "Guest Post from My Old Pal Jerky?" - YOP6
[Go nuts, bro. - Jerky]
*** **** ***
Mr LeBoeuf, Something was going on near the corner. I went over to look. There was a policeman, a fireman, an ambulance driver, a paramedic, a guy from the phone company, a guy from the cable company, a tow truck driver and a guy from the power company. Each was wearing his distinctive uniform. I said, "Oh. The Village People are in town." Aram
[And that's when the beating began. - Jerky]
*** **** ***
Mr LeBoeuf, The Commissioner said that he's considering letting a 7'4" Russian woman play in the NBA next season. Good luck to Hoopskya Dunkova. Aram
[You know, I think one e-mail per day is just about enough from you, Aram. - Jerky]
*** **** ***
hello, I'm write this to you because this page. I'm Thai people, you know that page very rude to our king non of Thai people joke about that. Our king do so much goodthing and really care his people and I can guarantee EVERY Thai people love the king. so please delete that page. PAT
[No. - Jerky]
*** **** ***
Hi Jerky, Thought you and your readers would like this... Enjoy. Hollister
[I was aware of Chomsky's views on both the JFK assassination and potential 9/11 conspiracies. Suffice it to say, I disagree with just about everything he says in the above video. - Jerky]
*** **** ***
Jerky, As a retired teacher (yes, some "old" people do read your missives and enjoy the iconoclasm of them), I think a serious look at the study of "Paleotheology" could be a part of any liberal arts program be it philosophy, sociology or history. Eric Hoffer, in this book "The True Believer" introduced this quite well without taking it as a serious academic exercise. But as you know the scientific approach, be it practical science, theoretical science or behavioral science, are "Identify, Predict, then Control." Your concept would qualify nicely as the first scientific step allowing the 2nd step to take place. My concern is over the 3rd step; "Control." As always knowledge is power and as always in whose hands the power resides is the point of issue. Once we embark on discovery, we can be assured control will surely follow. We have seen in with everything from genetics, birth control, and nuclear proliferation and religion has certainly been a breeding ground to mass destruction as well as massive healing. Please use as much energy from your high powered brain to address some prospects on how to prevent the misuse of the information discovered. Lucien
[You give me far too much credit, Lucien. - Jerky]
|
|
From Jerky the real one : My favorite part is how pissed off they get at me for deleting their idiotic spam-bot posts. Truly a marvel! Little do they know, a little pest control goes a long way.
|
From SofaKing : Here we go again....
|
From FireFox : I'm starting to think it is just a couple of kids
|
From Andy : Bwahahahahah..... THAT was funny!
|
From SofaKing : To Mr. Jerky... Youhave suck small penes and your mother has a thousand whores living in her pussy. Our king is way better than your a s s h o l e. U will die on 911 soon, you fu c k...
-Just in case you were feeling nostalgic for the last few days....
|
From SofaKing : I'd heard that about Thailand... At least their Thai Stick is legendary...
Of course, a lot of our 'underground' economy is based on the illegal drug trade. Can't fault a government for trying to get a piece of the action...
|
From Beudreaux : Hey Sofaking? I'm bummed...
I did a little research today and found out that Thailand has a drug based economy....lol... The only reason their government functions is because of illegal drugs.
I'm a day late.... hehehe
|
From SofaKing : Ah... A little peace and quiet...
Why don't you write something bad about Ataturk now, Jerky? Really get those Turks in a sniff...
|
From Franco Siccardi Italy : You wrote about Macau "Their cuisine is also divine. Coconut curry chicken... " really, Macau has very good Portoguese and Chinese restaurants, where you can also have very good wines for cheap. Apart of gambling, it is worth visiting, his historical center is really an architectural pearl. Three times better than Hong Kong, only at half an hour boat travel! And no visa is needed.
|
From fla man : seems nice here today wow might have to read the site...instead of fighting with thai's
|
From Beudreaux : Yeah Leonel.... it's very peaceful again.
|
From Sindy : That's bad news about PBS. I've always preferred the programs they offer and will hate to see their budget cut even more. Guess I'll have to finally consider donating...
|
From Leonel : Thai? Why are we even talking about those nut thais? My head aches just to read their rants!!!!! Glad someone cleaned the mess up!!!!
|
From Observer : True props to you, Jerky!
Your websites are always funny and informative.
Thanks for staying tough even though you may have a pretty bad case of heartburn from some spicey Thai food forced upon you.
I feel like starting a movement
Jerky LaBoef for President!
I would have said King, but our present leader seems to have more power than royalty, although he doesn't understand or appreciate it.
|
From Fan of Jerky : Hey Jerky, are you filtering email from yahoo & hotmail? I tried writing you but I figure the filters are in place. If so, I'll have to figure out some other way to get in touch. I still love you, man, and wish you luck with this current Thai situation. Peace & love.
|
|
|
