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FUN LINKS AND VIDEO DIVERSIONS
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FILLER IS AS FILLER DOES
Two bits of good news on the health wire today. First comes word that researchers at Oregon State University have discovered that one of the main ingredients in beer appears to have the power to prevent prostate cancer. And if you're worried about all that beer fucking up your liver, researchers at Kaiser Permanente have just finished a long-term study that shows drinking coffee helps prevent alcoholic cirrhosis! Booze, coffee, booze, coffee... it's like the Alcoholics Anonymous Diet or something.
Speaking of beer, aiming one of these suckers at your crotch won't do much for your prostate health, I can guarantee you that. The choice of music for this slomo montage of beer-cannon destruction was superb, if predictable.
Here's an interesting and illuminating interview with Tom Cruise on the universal efficacy of vitamins in treating every medical problem known to man.
Aw... lookit the cute liddle kitten playing around with the most expensive kitty toy EVER!
Personally, yer old pal Jerky thinks this alleged science experiment featuring spectacularly explosive results gotten by combining Mentos and Diet Coke is probably about as legitmate as the website showing you how to boil an egg using nothing but two cell phones calling each other.
Who's loonier: Donald Trump or Charles Manson? Hold on a second there, bucko! Before you answer that question, maybe you'd better take a gander at this here video, as a primer.
Our old pal Jeff has been having some mysterious "technical difficulties" at his excellent Rigorous Intuition parapolitics blog -- on the same day that his PayPal account was hacked, coinkeedink -- so he's temporarily moving his operation to this new address. You can read my epic, three-part interview with Jeff here, here and here. We'll keep you posted on any further developments.
Speaking of conspiracy theorists in the news, our old buddy Alex Jones was
detained by Canadian immigration officials when he attempted to investigate the latest meeting of the infamous Bilderbergers, this time meeting in Ottawa, Canada. On the bright side, Alex did manage to snag a copy of the full list of this year's attendees. Know thine enemy, folks, and be ready to deal with them as need be.
You know that really, really REALLy gay song, "You're Beautiful"? Here's a parody of it, dedicated to all you long-suffering office rats out there.
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Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky:
jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com
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JOKES!
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Today's first joke was sent in by David!
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and, realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny summer day, decided he just had to play golf. So... He told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did You let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
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Thanks to our old pal Gerrie for sending in today's second joke.
A man goes to his doctor and says, "Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've got a problem."
The doctor examines the man and finds the man has a red ring around his penis. The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area.
"It's all cleared up!" the man reports when he returns. "But what was that medication you gave me?"
"Lipstick remover."
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WORST JOKE OF THE DAY
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Today's groaner was sent in by Dave on Dope...
It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's performance. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries.
After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"
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THEY SAID IT!
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"For more than two years it has been widely reported that the U.S. invaded Iraq because of intelligence failures. But in fact it is far more likely that the Iraq war started because of an extraordinary intelligence success -- specifically, an astoundingly effective campaign of disinformation, or black propaganda, which led the White House, the Pentagon, Britain's M.I.6 intelligence service, and thousands of outlets in the American media to promote the falsehood that Saddam Hussein's nuclear-weapons program posed a grave risk to the United States."
- Everybody has to read Craig Unger's article in the latest Vanity Fair, entitled The War They Wanted, The Lies They Needed.
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"God will save me, if he exists."
- Looks like yer old pal Jerky was right... God doesn't exist, after all! Or, if he does, he wasn't paying attention to a lion enclosure at the Kiev, Ukraine zoo.
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ON THIS DAY
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June 7
On this day in the year 1965, Sony introduces the first video cassette recorder - the peer-to-peer file-swapping scandal of its day! - priced at a whopping $995. Sales are almost non-existant until the late 70's, when millions of North American men suddenly realize that this miraculous new device allows them to masturbate while watching complete strangers fuck, all in the comfort of their own living room! Technology… HUZZAH!!!
On this day in 1955, Eisenhower becomes the first President ever to appear on color television. Chaos ensues.
On this day in 1329, Scottish "king" Robert the Bruce dies at the age of 53. Braveheart ensues.
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READER'S SOAPBOX!
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Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want.
TOPIC: A WESTERNER TRIES TO EXPLAIN THE THAI THING
care of: Uncle Jim
Jerky, I hope that this email address works. Understand that I am not dissing you with this email. I'm just going to try and explain why you got the emails that you got. Ok, down to business. First, I'm 67 years old and have spent 29 of those years living and working all around the world.
I read your "satirical article". I really don't understand why you wrote all that bullshit. And it was bullshit. You have to know that. Why are you surprised that you're getting so many emails from the Thais about the article. What you should be surprised about is that so many Thais read your column!!!
I realize that you are trying to be funny with a lot of your comments but not everyone in the world has our type of sense of humor. Believe me, I get in a lot of trouble displaying my sense of humor with Orientals. I once asked a Taiwanese student how difficult it was to walk upside down. It went completely over her head so I tried to explain the joke that we have about everyone on the southern part of the planet would be upside down. She just could not understand why anyone would even say that. And this was quite a bright girl with whom I had a good relationship. Then, again, much of what they consider to be humor would leave us scratching our heads.
As for Monarchies, not all of them are corrupt. To the American way of thinking you might be able to say that they are unjust or immoral (or something like that) but a few of them do look after their subjects quite well. Someone, I don't remember who, once said that the best form of government would be one headed by a BENEVOLENT dictator. Judging by the way some people in our country decide who to vote for, I think he might be right. The Thai King has done some very good things to help out the poorer people of Thailand.
Oh yeah, remember that the King was born, raised and went to his first college here in the USA!!! The past several Kings have tended to look after the Thais quite well. If one insists on having a Monarchy then the King of Thailand would be a very good role model to follow.
I'm trying to make this thing as short as possible. I guess I'm just not smart enough.
Here's a little explanation of the Thai people. Re-read all of those emails you received. I spotted a trend to try and equate your attacking their country and lives with a poor upbringing. Not learning how to respect others etc. These people do not insult one another. If they disagree on something they usually just smile at each other then turn around and walk away. I have a pretty violent temper but it is way out of place in Thailand. For the most part there is just no reason to lose my temper when I'm in Thailand. What I'm trying to point out is that they really don't know how to insult anyone. That's why most of them have described the reason that you insulted them. Imagine what kind of emails you would get if you insulted the military deserting, child molesting, drug trafficking asshole, sitting illegally in the white house right now, the way that you insulted Thailand. Oh, wait a minute, you've already done that. Well, how did the emails you got from the ultra right wing, nazi, redneck assholes compare to the ones from Thailand???
Didn't you notice that many of the emails grant that you certainly do have a right to express yourself? But, they add that you really shouldn't insult someone from another country, especially if you are not well versed in their way of life. They are a very forgiving people, believe me, and the thing that many of them are trying to get across to you is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". They just can't understand why you would insult them without any type of provocation.
The intense love of the King is kind of bewildering to me as well. I know that he has done many good things but I can't understand that much love for anyone. UNTIL I stop and think about how extremely respectful and reverential the Thai people are towards ME, and I am only a recent acquaintance of theirs. If you could see the respect they bestow on their elders, their superiors at work etc. then it would begin to make sense that they would be so very devoted to their Monarch. These lovely people are taught, from a very early age, to always respect others. The result of that teaching is an extremely desireable atmosphere in which to live.
Another aside, I was checking on renting a 125 cc motorbike to do some sightseeing on. I asked the owner what would happen if I get a flat tire. He said, "Don't worry about it. Lots of people will stop to help you". And he is right. It's just the way it is, life as it should be lived. Concern about the well being of your neighbor with the utmost respect for each other. We could sure use a huge dose of that right here in the U.S.A. I think I better quit here. I have a lot more to say but it would probably be repetitive.
To any Thai readers let me just say, "Sa wat dee khrap. Wan nee sabai dee mai khrap?? Do lae tua eng khrap!" And to all of Thailand I must say "kid tung mak mak!" Hopefully, "jer khun pee naar"!!!!!
Go ahead and print this and see what kind of response we get.
Keep up the website and the tirades against the assholes. Just learn who your friends are and DON'T diss THEM unless you are sure they understand that it is a joke. (ta lok, ta lok) Tok long??? Ok??
The Thais call me Uncle Jim (Lung Jim) another sign of respect. You have to love them.
later,
Jim
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FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY!
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Hey Jerks; Now, I hate to always sound paranoid, but this story wreaks of foul play... to me it has all the appearance of an event from a Tom Clancy novel. Here's some background on Philip Merrill and the Import-Export Bank. The possibilities are endless as to who he could've pissed off or threatened to the point where he now sleeps wit da fishes. g.
[Murder! Intrigue! Yachts! - Jerky]
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MOPJ, That new Uglytron is just wrong. What did she do with the rest of the raccoon? By the looks of her she probably ate it. Your Old Pal Seadoobie
[It's quite something. - Jerky]
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Hey Jerky, What the fuck is a Foo?? Mike and Sandra
[I don't know, but it's good to know Dave Grohl and his buddies are out there fighting them, every day. - Jerky]
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Jerky; Am I the only one who has gotten to the point where just hearing Bush's voice makes my blood heat? I don't even have to hear what he's talking about; just hearing the tone and cadence and recognizing it as his is enough to make me surly for the rest of the day. CT
[Same here, dude. - Jerky]
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MOPJ i'm not being a wise ass when i ask this; i'm seeking good data because i was asked. Why should i believe thruthout as opposed to other sources? Thanks in advance. T-Bird
[You're in good hands at Truthout. Better than at the DrudgeReport, I can guarantee you that. - Jerky]
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MOPJ, Who cares about the 1st amendment to the Constitution? These folks care, but in a very warped way. I did not realize how dark the storm clouds were getting within the GOP in Texas. Man, that is fucked up. YOP, Bob
[Darker than a Cormac McCarthy novel shoved deep up a dead coalminer's asshole. - Jerky]
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Ciao Jerks, I'm with you! Having watched that video clip, I feel that he did nothing except to say that he couldn't believe "they" could do such a thing, and if they had the plan would have leaked out. I think the problem is that far too many people CAN believe they could do such a thing, and the leaks that there were were discounted or ignored because "they" controlled the media. As I watched I thought that somebody must have got to him, whom I always respected as a scientist, and told him "I don't care how you do it, you have to deny the theories about 9/11." His denials served to confirm my beliefs in the controlled demolition theory. If he had offered an alternative explanation for that he might have retained some credibility in my eyes. Go Jerky! Etna Fred
[Yessir. Thanks! - Jerky]
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From Peter J : Cool.
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From Beudreaux : Nah...actually I'm sorry I ever pasted that comment because it caused the natives to start flooding again.
And just for the record...my "mamy" is not a "whore" (at least not anymore) because she has been dead for ten years.
I'm out of here. Sorry Jerky......I love ya maaaaan!
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From from BCC news : MONARCHIES around the world may be struggling to retain the love and allegiance of their people, but not in Thailand. Kings, queens and princes of many nationalities will fly to Bangkok this week to join King Bhumibol Adulyadej in celebrating 60 years on the throne.
For the Thai people, the worlds longest-reigning monarch remains the most revered figure in their lives, save for Lord Buddha himself.
Thailands strict laws forbidding criticism of the King are hardly necessary. An accomplished jaz
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From Bodhidharma : Eschew obfuscation
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From to jerky : Thai love to thai king
h t t p / / w w w . y o u t u b e . c o m / w a t c h ? v K J M A m Y v P d q 8 & m o d e s u g g e s t e d & s e a r c h t h a i l a n d % 2 0 k i n g
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From To Jerky : The King of Thailand is the longest-serving King in The world 60 years and counting!!! "My place in this world, is being among my people.. all Thai pople." said the King. (translated from Thai)
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From Beudreaux : Is this thing working?
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From jack : i agree with ct,i can satnd to hear w anymore,,,when he said that illegels need to learn our language, i think he take a lesson or two,,,
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From FireFox : I saw the diet coke thing on my local news this morning....it may have been Good Morning America. They were using 13 Mentos
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From to someone using name buddhist : buddhist so what
who said buddhist wont fight
who said buddhist wont angry
since we still not reach the highest class to nirvana
we still have emotion
your post is just show your idiot
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From Frank : Great website Jerky.... keep up the good work.
Thanks....
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From Sindy : Jerky, thanks again for another great Dirt!
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From buddhist : The CIA world factbook tells us that 94.6% of Thais are Buddhists. An internet search tells me that there are "many different forms of Buddhism, but all traditions are characterised by non-violence, lack of dogma, tolerance of differences, and, usually, by the practice of meditation."
Oh really? So all these excessively vicious comments and death threats from assorted Thais, they must be those few Thais who are Christians or Muslims.
Perhaps, as Uncle Jim writes, many Thais are grateful to their Ki
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From to non humor Thai person : We 've got humor
but sometimes The difference of culture
as uncle jim already wrote in his letter
some we may think it is funny as you think
but some we may not vise versa you may not think
it is funny when we may really laugh at it.
It just the differece. I think you still dont understand.
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From To uncle jim : I really appreciate the thing you did for thai ppl.
as i read your letter the hatred that i have with american people had already gone.
I am sure you understand THai culture very well uncle jim.
Thank you very much.
korb kun mak mak krub.
For Jerky,
I beg you down my knees
Could you please delete that page about our king
and we will all gone not interfere with you again
Respectfully yours
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From AS to Uncle Jim : Thanks you so much for your explaination. I hope Jerky get some more ideas about Thialand. Please, we (Thais) love peace and of course, our king so much...we just cannot accept that topic. Please just delete it ..... Let's Thai think about their king on their way. You dont need to think for them.
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From bpond : To Jerky
they love my country and want to visit there again, when they know that I am Thai. So I just smile and say thank you to them but inside my heart tells me that I was lucky to born to be Thai and it makes me proud. Wish you all live together peacefully and happiness in our dirty world.
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From bpond : To Jeyky
I realized that you or whoever does not know enough about our culture or what the reason why we love our King (please read Uncle Jim's explanation letter who used to live in our country) then I forgave you. So I would like to welcome you to visit Thailand. I think you might understand why so many foreigners love our country and give their respect to our King. Now I live in Australia. I always heard Australian say to me that they love my country and want to visit there again, when they know that
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From bpond : To Uncle Jim
Thank you very much for what you have tried to explain to them. I really appreciated that. Your letter made me cried which I could not stop whenever I read the letter. Thank again for your understanding of Thais that how much we love our King. I wish you had a healthy life and happiness all the time. Although I do not know you, from your action I do miss you so much. I hope I could see you some day. I would like to buy you a coffee and have a nice chat with you. Thanks again and again.
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From bpond : To Uncle Jim
Thank you very much for what you have tried to explain to them. I really appreciated that. Your letter made me cried which I could not stop whenever I read the letter. Thank again for your understanding of Thais that how much we love our King. I wish you had a healthy life and happiness all the time. Although I do not know you, from your action I do miss you so much. I hope I could see you some day. I would like to buy you a coffee and have a nice chat with you. Thanks again and again.
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From Makk : Apparently the last frat boy to leave left the door open. As the girl started to come out of her drunken haze she looked up to see a 40 something year old man unloading in her.
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From Ta : "Cum...Cum...Cum...Cum!!" The word was erotic to a young 18 year old recent graduate. It made them feel mature and they complied to the chant by grinding harder into each other. Shortly after they started to tremble and cum in front of the crowd of college boys. The as one of the girls started to shudder in an intense orgasm her mouth contorted onto an "O" shape, one of the boys stuck his dick in it. Out of reflect she allowed entry and wrapped her lips around it and he started to pump into her face fro
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From pute : DRA T HELVETET!!!! you little bitch
next life you will find yourself be asssss a dirty dog
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From Thai in UK : First thing first, I think you website is so NOT funny and your sense of humour is so pathetic. Who are you to judge or even write anything about Thailand or our King? The King is a very honoured and great man. He has done tremedous good deeds for the past 60 years as the King of Thailand. And what have you done in your sad life except bad-mouth with your pea-sized brain?? Get yourself educated and if you're lucky to get any smarter, you'll see why people love the King so much. For the mean time, keep you
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From Thai Student in Canada : Ha..Ha..Ha wow... you ..r...so...cool... -_-"
Jerky "Look at meee, Look at mee I'm so cool with my website... look at mee!" what a retarded. I think you should stop this website. More than 60 million people will be happy when your web has been blocked or terminated. even my US friends said you're a looser. "- L -" go to hell dude.
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From thai : fuckyou
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From Beudreaux : From THAI " LOVE LIVE THE KING. LOVE LIVE THE KING."
You guys talking about Elvis? HAVE YOU SEEN ELVIS? Tell me!
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From FriBrah : To all Thai People, Please do not response to this stupid brain pass the internet.Thai people should come out and show our power how we care about my belover king.
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From N : I think we, all Thai people, should not add any comment of respond anything on this website, this guy just need some attention from others...
Just american jerk who need to become famous.
The easiest way for jerks to be cool in their community... )
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From MATTHEW H : Jerky, you are the epitomy of an "Ugly American" and bring shame to your fellow countryman. Consider that some things that transcend indecency recollect the recent Mohammed cartoon controversies. Visit Thailand and read "The Revolutionary King," perhaps you will amend your classless rant and show some respect. The king was born in the US and not aware of his lineage until later in life. He is 009 for real. LLTK!
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From Eve : This comment is for Uncle Jim...
I'm a Thai girl but studying in USA. I was crying as reading what you wrote. It seems like you've been in Thailand so long that you know it as well as we do. I would gladly consider you as Thai, too.
All Thais and I would like to say, "Thank you so very much, Lung JIM." It's very nice of you and appreciated more than words can say.
"Thais love peace but do not fear to fight," The Thai Natinal Anthem
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From Beudreaux : CT? You and Jerky ain't alone ....
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From SofaKing : To MOPJ and Mike and Sandra...
The term foo fighter was used by Allied aircraft pilots in World War II to describe various UFOs or mysterious aerial phenomena seen in the skies over Europe and the Pacific theatre.
It is also a pretty good rock band (Foo Fighters) if you did't catch the reference...
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